Tag: truth

I just can’t

Critical moments of truth. Turning points on the faith journey. They stand out.

And impact the rest of our lives.

For me, one of those began with, “I just can’t.”

Memoir

Loss.

The memory comes back. Distinct. Clear. From 1972. One hot, humid afternoon in Kediri, Indonesia.

I’m just arriving at our home. After being away for high school a couple of months. In Jakarta.

Standing outside. Reaching for the handle of the screen door. And suddenly a subconscious map surfaces. One I never knew was there.

A map of presence. Home and those who belong in it.

Without warning, the realization of deep loss hits. Full force. There’s an empty space on that map.

The place where my sister Ann has always been.

Grief. Tangible.

Me with Momma and my new baby sister, Ann. Bangkok, Thailand. 1961.

Wordless. I don’t know what to say. How to pray.

But longing stirs. Hunger to hear Your voice. See Your lamp shining in the dark.

I try to look ahead. Nearsighted vision blurs the future. Shapes without edges loom. Nothing is clear.

So I open the Scriptures. Hold Your Word close. And read in black and white, words on the page.

The Word. Image by Aaron Burden on Unsplash.