Back in the day we studied our stress by listing losses. Marking life experiences.
All the cross-cultural moves. Illnesses. Births. Deaths. Evacuations.
Added up, the numbers were telling.
Stress levels confirmed.
Listing losses
Last year I read a book* for Third Culture Kids (TCKs) that uses jenga blocks to visualize life-traumas, big and small.
Change. Transition. Steam-rolling through the journeys of children growing up across cultures.
It’s another way for listing losses. Noticing and talking about them before they pile up too high.
Before one extra weight sends the tower tumbling.
Pieces of the puzzle
I think of our three.
How I missed cues. Failed to catch what was tumbling through their minds. Lodging in their memories. As loss. Pain.
Grief.
I’m still learning to figure out my own pieces of the puzzle. As an Adult TCK (ATCK). Where I hid confusion or hurt. When I held back fears. Sorrow.
Tucking away uncertainty.
Walking by faith
None of us are perfect in processing what comes with living on this planet—the summits and valleys, twists and turns, gains and losses inherent to walking by faith in a broken world.
A few months ago, our pastor spoke to a grieving family at the funeral of their loved one. Comforting, helpful words for all of us who were present.
He acknowledged we all ask the “why” questions in the face of such loss. But he encouraged us to then change course.
And ask the “who” question.
Draw near
So when I’m listing losses and the “why’s” are loud in my thoughts, I learn to ask, “Who?”
Who never leaves or forsakes me? Who knows the way forward? Who promises to provide what I need?
Acknowledging hard things past and present, I draw near to the One who is a mighty Warrior and tender Shepherd. Strong and compassionate.
Come to Me
Who is He? The God of all comfort. Our Rock and our Salvation.
He says, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 CSB
What about you?
In the midst of the “why’s,” are you asking the “who” question? How has the Lord reminded you of Who He is in the midst of losses and gains?
Related posts
Arrivals and departures – Best-laid plans – Healing hurts and counting stars – Safest place – Night sky – Loss – Faithfulness – Remembrance – Be strong and courageous –
Matthew 11:28-30 – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 – Zephaniah 3:17 – Psalm 23 – John 10:1-18 – Psalm 18:1-3 –
*Resources
The Grief Tower: a Practical Guide to Processing Grief with Third Culture Kids by Lauren Wells (2021) – Unstacking Your Grief Tower: For Adult Third Culture Kids by Lauren Wells (2021) – TCK Training Resources website –
7 replies on “Listing losses”
Yesterday’s Bible study included Luke’s description of Jesus in the wilderness and the temptation He faced. As we compared it to Adam & Eve, we discussed Jesus’s confidence in God and His reliance on God’s Words. Humility is a big part of relying on God and in the passage you quoted Jesus even says it about Himself. A good reminder!
Amen. Thank you for sharing, sister!
Yes — so good. Listing losses is healthy and helpful. Asking WHO reminds us of our hope and the One who holds us, who never changes, who is the rock of our stability. John Onwuchekwa is someone I’ve been reading on grief, and one of his core statements is “Tragedy doesn’t ruin us. Hopelessness does.” I think that’s helpful — Loss, grief, hardship, tragedy are difficult and shape us, but we can hope in the One who never disappoints or leaves.
Amen! Thank you for sharing this. So grateful for our hope.
That book has been helpful for several of our children. The other day I was in a conversation with a friend who also used to live overseas. She was doing some research on helping people returning, and asked me several questions. My tears here and there in the conversation surprised me, because I have become so accustomed to just carrying on, and to stop and realize how deeply the feelings still go was both painful and healing. The “Who” though–those losses drove me to Him in a deep way, and I will always be grateful for that.
Thank you for sharing this, sister. I sometimes forget to stop and consider these feelings too. Grateful for Who we draw near to.
[…] – Someday – Uninvited fears – Listing losses – Safest place – Be anxious for nothing […]