When I am afraid

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You, I will trust in You, I will trust in You….In God whose Word I praise.”

Steve Green’s “Hide ‘Em in Your Heart” recording of Scripture songs for children played often in our home. But this particular song was on repeat in my mind. On my lips.

Even after the kids were in bed fast asleep.

When I am afraid

Before cell phones invaded the subcontinent, we lived in Karachi, Pakistan. Two of our children were born there. 

We loved Karachi and the Pakistani people who enriched our lives. But those were volatile years in that city. Fear was palpable.

Violence erupted in the heat of summer and randomly throughout the year. Police stations were taken out by rocket-propelled grenades on a regular basis.

So many were suffering.  One year our newspaper posted a daily body count because so many were being killed. 

Strikes

There was an ongoing war between political groups vying for control. Strikes and wheel-jam strikes (no wheels may turn on the roads) were frequent.

At one point there were little sandbag forts set up in the intersections of our neighborhood, guns aimed at the traffic. Another time a tank sat in the median across from our grocery store. 

The honest heart-cries of the Psalms were a mainstay when I felt afraid. And that simple Scripture song gave me courage. 

Worry-prayers

Occasionally Todd had meetings across town that lasted into the evening. We had no phones to communicate when he was leaving the venue to head home. I estimated when he might arrive home. But that time would come and go.

So I worry-prayed. You know the kind. 

“Lord, please, please let him get home safely. Please, please protect him. Please, Lord!” 

Repeat. Pace. Check out the window at the sound of any vehicle ambling down our road. 

I would imagine scenarios where the car broke down or the streets were barricaded. I knew the verse, “Be anxious for nothing. In everything give thanks.” But fear would creep in. My heart raced. And I would repeat my desperate worry-prayer. 

It was always a great relief to hear the gate open and the car drive in. 

When thieves break in

Then Todd went out of town for a meeting and I couldn’t sleep.  What if someone broke into our house? 

It had already happened once—in our second summer. Thieves bent the bars of our windows in a back bedroom and climbed in. Walked straight through our house.

We and 18-month-old Becca were all sleeping in the next room—in our only air-conditioned bedroom.  Our bedroom door was locked because friends had counseled us,  “If someone breaks in, they won’t bother you if your bedroom door is locked. They can take what’s in your other rooms.” 

Oh. Okay. Wow. We’ll do that. 

That night we were grateful we’d followed their advice. The thieves walked through our simply furnished house and out the front door. They tied up our guard who kept telling them we had no money. Because we were “poor foreigners” and didn’t keep gold in our house like everyone else did.  

They left in search of another household to rob. 

I cry aloud to the Lord

One morning I read Psalm 3. A reminder that the Lord is a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts my head. “I cry aloud to the Lord and he answers me from His holy mountain. I lie down and sleep. I wake again because the Lord sustains me. I will not be afraid…” (Psalm 3:4-6a). I read that line again: I lie down and sleep…I will not be afraid!  

Then I came to Psalm 4:8—“I will both lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Lord, make me live in safety.” 

I knew I needed to give all of this fear and anxiety to the Lord. To release my wild scenarios into His hands. I couldn’t do it on my own. 

The next time those fears raced in, I prayed, “Lord, you surround us—each one of us. I surrender my fears to you. Help me to lie down and sleep. Give me peace.” 

He did. I fell asleep as I laid my fears at His feet, casting my cares on Him because He cares for me.

Lessons learned

There have been other places on the journey where fears quietly moved in and tried to take over.  Lessons learned in that desert city still serve me well. 

Worship. 

Cry aloud to the Lord. 

Pray the truth of His Word. 

Surrender to the One who is our fortress and our deliverer.

Rest in Him.

What about you?

Have you battled fear in your life? What has the Lord used to guide you through times when you are afraid? What is your song on repeat?

Related post: Sanctuary: Psalm 73